Finding Your People: Restoring the Village in Motherhood

Finding Your People: Restoring the Village in Motherhood

By Candi CdeBaca, Mother, Social Worker, Former Legislator, Community Organizer, Co-Founding Parent of CreSer ECE Homeschool Co-Op and Community Ambassador for Perinatal Mental Health

When I became a mother, I was already a social worker, a policy advocate, a community organizer — someone who knew how systems worked, how communities thrived, and how much support mattered. Still, nothing prepared me for the raw intensity of early motherhood — the joy, the exhaustion, the love, the loneliness.

I remember holding my son at 2 a.m., deliriously tired, wondering how any of us — especially mothers of color — were ever expected to do this alone.

The truth is, we aren’t meant to.

The Village Isn’t Just a Saying — It’s a Birthright

Across cultures and throughout history, communal child-rearing was the norm. In African, Indigenous, Latinx, and Asian traditions, the wellbeing of the child was a shared responsibility. The “village” wasn’t a metaphor. It was aunties, elders, neighbors, cousins — all pouring into the mother so she could pour into her baby.

That wisdom still lives in our bones, but modern society has eroded the structures that once held us. Capitalism, colonization, and systemic racism have all played a role in separating us from each other and from the traditions that once safeguarded our health — especially during the perinatal period.

But here’s the thing: connection is not just a luxury — it’s a lifeline.

The Science is Clear: Social Support Saves Lives

Research consistently shows that strong social support networks significantly reduce the risk of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs). According to the Journal of Affective Disorders, perceived social support is one of the most protective factors against postpartum depression (Letourneau et al., 2012). Another study in BMC Psychiatry found that mothers with low levels of emotional and practical support were four times more likely to experience high psychological distress.

And it’s not just about mental health — the benefits ripple outward. Studies show that children of mothers with strong support systems have improved attachment, cognitive development, and stress regulation. Your village doesn’t just protect you — it shapes your baby’s future.

Building (or Rebuilding) Your Village

Whether you’re a new mom, an experienced parent, or somewhere in between, you deserve a village. And if you don’t have one, it’s not your fault — but it is something you can begin to rebuild. Here’s how:

1. Normalize Asking for Help

In our society, especially as women of color, we’re often praised for our strength. But true strength lies in vulnerability and asking for help. You are not a burden. You are worthy of support — just because you exist.

2. Seek Out Peer Support

Drop-in groups, postpartum circles, and mom meetups aren’t just cute social outings — they’re sacred spaces of healing. The research behind peer support is compelling: shared lived experience is deeply therapeutic. As a community ambassador, I’ve seen moms breathe easier just by realizing, “Oh, it’s not just me.”

3. Restore Intergenerational Bonds

Elders, aunties, chosen family — they have wisdom modern parenting books will never give you. Invite them in. Let them hold the baby and you. They are part of the medicine.

4. Get Policy-Minded

Motherhood is political. Social support is not just an individual responsibility — it’s a policy issue. Paid leave, accessible childcare, and equitable healthcare all make or break a parent’s ability to thrive. We must advocate for systemic change while building grassroots care.

Final Thoughts: From Surviving to Thriving

Motherhood will stretch you in ways nothing else can. But it shouldn’t stretch you to your breaking point. Finding your people — or letting your people find you — is the most important step you can take for your health, your baby’s development, and your family’s future.

As someone who’s been in the policy rooms and the baby playgroups, I can say this with certainty: restoring the village is revolutionary care. It’s not optional. It’s our collective responsibility. And it starts with connection.

So reach out. Join that group. Text that friend. Smile at the mom at the park. These small acts are how we rebuild what was always ours.

You’re not alone, and you were never meant to be.

Need support? Check out our upcoming perinatal groups, resources for new parents, or join our online community [insert links/resources here].