Holiday Survive and Thrive Guide: CO-PMHP Edition

By Patrece Hairston Peetz, PsyD

1) FIRST and foremost…take a BREATH. As much joy and fun as the holiday season can

bring, it can also be an overwhelming experience. There is so much pressure to have the

“right” type of celebrations with all the decorations, gatherings, purchasing of gifts/décor,

and so on. Remember, that your holiday with your family and children is for YOU. You can

be the architect of your own celebrations – design them in a way that feels affirming to

you and your family You can decide what’s important and what will make your holiday

season meaningful; you don’t have to follow anyone else’s example.. When you feel that

holiday overwhelm, even when it feels exciting, just keep breathing. Stop, take a deep

breath, relax your shoulders, and remind yourself that you’re doing the absolute best you

can….and that’s enough.

2) Set reasonable expectations for yourself and those around you. You may decide to

host a big holiday celebration and then your household gets sick. Or you make plans to

attend multiple holiday events and your child or children are throwing tantrums, having

meltdowns, and it’s less than ‘magical.’ Or even more impactful, perhaps your partner loses

their job and your financial situation has changed. Despite the best laid plans, life may

intervene in a way that disrupts how you envisioned your ‘perfect’ holiday season. Welp,

start this holiday season by deciding that perfect isn’t necessary and honestly, it’s make

believe. Nothing is EVER perfect; particularly in parenthood. Look back to bullet #1 (aka

take a breath) and take the pressure of creating perfection out of your mind. And if you’re

a self-identified perfectionist, work hard at truly letting go, release the pressure, and let

yourself experience each day, each celebration as it comes. Some of those imperfect

moments can create the most long-lasting and best memories.

3) Reject that idea that more STUFF makes a holiday special. Decorations, gift giving,

celebratory pajamas, and holiday lights are fun! Truly. No one denies that. However, try to

reject the notion that it’s the “more the merrier” when it comes to STUFF. The homes with

more stuff don’t necessarily have more fun and there’s certainly not more love. Despite

what we’re all being bombarded with on our social media timelines, more stuff doesn’t

equal a better holiday for your family. Consider your priorities, values, and finances as you

consider what will make your holiday meaningful. Thrifting, secondhand décor, homemade

gifts, like writing meaningful letters to loved ones or sending photos to family can all be

ways to help achieve this goal.

4) Identify and prioritize just a few holiday traditions. And keep building over time. This

is your reminder that you truly don’t have to do it all. There are SO many holiday events –

family gatherings, school or daycare events, community celebrations, parties, etc. Pick a

few that fit the age, lifestyle, and activity level of your children and start there. If an event

starts at 8 PM, this may not work for your family or if an event is out of town and travel is

required, this also may not work for your family. Perhaps instead of having a “cookie

decorating party” AND doing homemade gingerbread houses (we SEE you

overachievers!), you just pick one. Only one and allow yourself to truly enjoy it and bask in

the time with your family.

5) BOUNDARIES. BOUNDARIES. BOUNDARIES. Even though everyone talks about this

one, putting it into practice can be tough. Setting boundaries includes establishing

personal limits for how others can behave around you, in the spirit of protecting your

emotional, physical, and mental well-being. It involves clearly communicating what is

acceptable and what is not, and enforcing these limits through your actions. You may have

family members, friends, or others in your life that may have expectations about what you

“should” do during the holiday season. And guess what, you can say NO to all these

expectations. However, it could cause conflict or drama with those close to you and that

may feel overwhelming and difficult. Try jotting down a short list of boundaries that you

want to set and start with the one that feels easiest for you to communicate and execute.

Maybe you have a set nap schedule with your baby that you want prioritized during family

visits or you don’t feel comfortable with ill family members holding or caring for your child.

Communicate this kindly, but firmly and try and help those in your life understand why it

matters to you. If you needed permission, you officially have it!

6) Remember that all kinds of memories can come up during this time. And plan for how

you’ll be taken care of. You had an entire life before becoming a parent and those

memories can be a combination of wonderful and painful. Perhaps you’re grieving the loss

of someone important this holiday season and things won’t feel the same or perhaps you

don’t have the fondest memories of the holidays during your childhood and feel immense

pressure to ensure that your children’s holidays are special. You’re human. Carve out time

for how you’ll take care of your emotional health when these memories come up and may

begin to overwhelm you.

7) The most important person in your child’s life (especially during the holiday season) is

YOU. It seems easy to forget that your happiness, peace, and well-being is important to

your little ones. Babies and children are extremely attuned to their parents experiences –

our body language, our facial expressions, and our emotions, even in-utero. When you

take care of yourself, you’re also caring for your baby or little ones. Don’t forget that how

you’re feeling matters and the holiday season doesn’t change that.

8) Come up with a plan for rest. And it doesn’t have to be fancy. Often times, we’re

advised to “take a self-care day” (honestly, who gets an entire “day” of self-care as a

parent?!) and to “go to the spa” or “go out to dinner” or any other list of items that feel out

of reach financially or logistically. Not that these suggestions aren’t lovely (we love the spa

here at The Birth Squad) but this just may not be achievable; and thus, it doesn’t happen.

“Rest” could be having a friend watch your baby during a nap once a week during the

month of December so that you can lay down peacefully for a few hours or accepting a

neighbor’s offer to bring you dinner so that you don’t have to cook a few evenings a week

or asking your partner to watch your little ones so that you can take a 15-minute walk or

lay in your bed watching funny cat-related Tik Tok videos (maybe this is just us?!) or laying

your baby down in a safe place while you take 5 minutes outside to get some fresh air or

sunshine. The people in your life who truly care about you and your family want to help

and sometimes they just need to be asked and very clearly directed on what you need.

Make a plan now on who you can ask to support you in making sure this happens. And ask

them more than once. Build this into your life. No one was meant to support babies and

raise families alone.

9) If despite planning and your best efforts, you need immediate support. Reach out for

it. For all the reasons outlined above (and many more that we didn’t call out directly), you

may need a professional to check in with during this time.

The following resources are no-cost, open every day, and available in multiple languages:

1.) National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: The Hotline provides 24/7, free, confidential support before, during, and after pregnancy. The Hotline offers callers: Phone or text access

with trained perinatal mental health professionals and referrals to local and telehealth

providers and support groups. Please reach out to: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262).

Website: https://mchb.hrsa.gov/national-maternal-mental-health-hotline and support is

available in English and Spanish;

2.) Colorado Crisis Services: This is our statewide

behavioral health system of crisis resources to call in an emergency situation, including a

hotline that operates 24/7, 365 days per year and several walk-in centers throughout the

Denver Metro area. The phone number is 1-844-493-8255, Text: TALK to 38255, or visit the website: https://coloradocrisisservices.org/

10) Read this list again. And again. And again. <3